Can you explain to me how, after I was baptized—which was undoubtedly the best day of my life—I was suddenly thrown into the worst year of my life?

Why, after becoming anew in Him, was my life encountering such turmoil? I was questioning everything that I was doing, seeing, thinking, and so on—constantly agitated with the light at the end of the tunnel that never seemed to get any closer as I continued to walk towards it.

All-in-all, life after baptism, for me, was a beautiful and terribly heart-wrenching period of sacrifice. A battle I didn’t know I would have to fight.

This is not everyone's journey, and by no means am I grouping everyone into the same category. Everyone has their own testimony and there are some that are FILLED with Grace and a very pure kind of love from the start—while others are broken and lost on their way to happiness. To each their own, but for right now I am sharing MY experience…

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See, sometimes these months (and even years in my case) are the moments when Christ has a chance to allow your selfish ways to DIE—and, just as it sounds, this death is exhausting and as draining as I make it seem.

I, after knowing what it means now, am happy that the year after my Baptism on March 17th, 2013 was so difficult. I know that God is working on my heart and allowing His flame to burn in me and seal pathways that were secret tunnels for sin to pass through originally.

I don’t mean to make it sound like something life-threatening, but my point is this exactly…

You die to yourself after you are baptized and, for some, it's a seamless transition. Whereas, for others, it's a period of spiritual chaos. Rising from the water, you are forgiven and sometimes the thought of such a gift seems unrealistic and makes one feel even more unworthy than before, but the knowledge of what that means will sink in—and you'll soon realize how serious that moment underwater was for your life.

You feel as though your life has just begun and, even though your excitement is well worth the celebration, your mindset must immediately be humbled by the realization that your gentle spirit will be attacked by thoughts that wish to wage war on your new-found tranquility.

Personally, I was calm as a cucumber a month or so after I was baptized—but soon enough my life changed and I knew that the wave had consumed my joy. I knew I was a child of God, but sometimes what’s meant to happen, for the sake of our steadfast faith in Him, is the testing of our faith in order to truly know how it feels to never leave His side—no matter what.

Did any of this sound familiar? Maybe Matthew 4 rings a bell?

Well, after Jesus was baptized, and once He had fasted for forty days and forty nights, the devil shamelessly tried to tempt Jesus with things of the world. Anything the devil could come up with, he offered it knowing that Jesus was hungry from His fast—but, amazingly, at Jesus’ weakest moment He STILL stood against the devil and held fast in His faith and discipline.

Can you imagine how hard that is to do? I can tell you now that I continuously fell into the sin that the devil seemed to lure me in with, and why I am still worthy enough to receive His Grace after it all is beyond me.

Life after Baptism may not be how you expect... Share on X

To retreat back a few steps, I remember constantly thinking to myself, is everyone's life like this after Baptism? Do people actually frolic in fields of flowers after they rise, or are there others like me who cowered in the corner  after JUST promising their life to Him?

Needless to say, after questioning myself every day, I now know that my spiritual discipline is a result of these last couple years I’ve endured. I fell, over and over, but continued to stand and yearn for Him and His control. I kept leaving His side but knew that He never left mine.

Life after Baptism was my time to die to myself in order to know that if I was to ever cower in a corner again—He would be my flame to get out, even if His light was too dim to follow.

Now, after continuously losing myself these last couple years, I am slowly but surely finding who I am in bits and pieces of the Makayla Lynn that He shows me through daily lessons.

I pray that you are encouraged each day, knowing that although it may not be easy, your journey is meant for a purpose. You have value and you ARE valuable. Baptism is a beautiful thing that I never felt worthy enough for in the first place, but after all, I have experienced and been forgiven of—I promise it is the best love story you've ever lived.

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Continue To Endure,

- Miss Lynn